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| Mystery desto.... |
| 12.06.04 (7:25 pm) [edit] |
[b]Monday, December 6th, 2004...[/b]
Well... woke up this morning... and rolled back over... it seems I woke up way too early today! I for some reason have had the habit of falling asleep way too early and then I wake up at 5 or earlier in the morning!... So this morning... other than the fact that I passed out on the couch and woke up at 1 to crawl to bed... I managed to then wake a little over 2 hours later... thinking we have missed our chance at working out... [i]ha ha ha[/i]... I've become obsessed with working out lately.. [i]well kinda[/i].. I find that with our days getting darker and darker with each passing .... I don't know what time it is even more... before at least you could see some daylight out of the cat cave... but now... you can't see nothing... until at least 8:30 or later!! I hate when it gets dark .... damn you daylight savings!! I really dislike it when I don't know what time it is... I think it may be time to get a clock back in our room... boo....
So our work out today was... well good for me.. I could tell meh for Daddy... He's been really pissy lately... not a happy camper... I guess that's what lack of sleep and downtime can do to a guy.... So... today we got our workouts in.. left early to get to tanning and we walk in there... and the place is FREEZING! It is like a sub-zero freezer for meat in there... there was no way I was gonna strip down and get on [i]an already cold bed when the temperature is normal[/i]... bed... I guess I just was looking for any reason to just get home and on with my day... I am actually kinda looking forward to sitting around all day ... [i]ha ha ha[/i].. Well actually I have to go and see the Opto... [i]again[/i]... it's my first week check-up on my new eyes! So... we get to the store... the thing is still standing.. [i]phew[/i]... It seems weekends and Corkey kinda mix well... Nothing seems to be overly out of place or fucked up... Well done :D ... So.. I hang out while Daddy goes out to get gas... I blog... he comes back and says... he needs to go out after I get back... So... no biggy... I wanna do a few things while I am out... but sure... I have no quames with that.... So away I go to my appointment... the Opto is ever so kind... in that flirty mid-30's man looking for some mid-20's girlie to flirt with him... probably b'cus he is on his second kid and is never home!! I find men now a days are either... great men... great fathers... great husbands... then there is the asshole... and it seems they cloak themselves in the drape of the great father..hubby..man.. yada yada... I see it all the time at the gym.. and at work.. it's sad... I am just thankful to see that my hubby is a great man, hubby, cat daddy... yada yada... [i]he he he[/i]... But it's true.. there are some good men out there.. don't get me wrong... But still... I think there is alot more no so great ones out there... but they could claim the same for women... so... I guess we're all frauds now aren't we??
After my appointment I decided to coast through the mall Chapter's.... I have become kind of a coffee lover again... well not really lover... b'cus I have only managed to drink 2 in the past month... but I find when I go to my optos I go for a java afterwards... Starbuck's still my fav... I know.. some may hate them... some may love them... but they are my fav... So I start riffling through Purciville to find my wallet... [i]b'cus I purchased a book for super cheap[/i].... and I discover it's not there!! :shock: OOh! Now I start to think... fuck.. where did I leave it?? Then I recall... I had it out in my coat pocket yesterday b'cus it was snowing and I didn't want Purcy to get snowy... So it's still on the shelf in the kitchen.... phew... but then I think... OOh no!! :shock: Do I have enough for the book and coffee?? Which shall I give for the other?? Oh no!! The dilema I faced... I had 10 bucks in my pocket... :? ya I know.. go figure... So.. my book was 4.99... and my coffee was.. 4.25... somthing like that... I think... So anyways.. I get up to the till.. buy the book[i].. and he says [i]"that'll be 3.20"[/i]... [/i]"$3.20??" I was confussed for a sec... [i]"Yep.. $3.20"[/i] he says... So I pay the man and go and get my coffee.. I didn't have to have the small size after all.. [i]he he he[/i]... As I was riffling through Purciville to get at my wallet to put my change away :wink: ... I noticed my phone was vibrating... yes I know to some this may seem exciting... and to me it is for a totoally different reason.. it ment I had a text message!! Yeee... either it's Oli... or Daddy... it's Daddy.. he's just checkin' up on me... I guess making sure nothing bad has heppened to little ol me yet... I guess maybe he is worried about the roads... They are kinda shit... So I get back to the store and he goes.. [i]"well.. gotta go"... [/i] [i]"uhhh.. ok?" [/i].. I wonder where he is off to so fast... ??... So I sit and turn on my fav tv program... and relax... it seems my eyes are doing fine and so am I!! Just as I am relaxin and maxin at the store.. I get a call from Daddy... "you wanna go somewhere tomorrow?" ... "uuuh.. ok!" I claim... he then goes "good"... then click! ??? Wha ?? What's Daddy up to?? So I call the cell back.. nothing.. bugger is playing games with me!! I sit and wait for him to call me back... he's getting all the prep done for the week b'cus it seems we're on our way outta town for awhile... He won't tell me where or for how long... but we're outta this snowy f'er!! He says... pack for 20's... So I figure.... Vegas?? Hmmmm... we could use some Vegas life right now... Or maybe he is taking me to New York?? He has mentioned wanting to take me there... but 20's?? Nah... so that makes me think... Vegas... but.. we'll see...
After work we rush to get to our tanning appointments... since this morning was antartica!! The beds were hot tonight!! Lying there makes me hope for a sunny destination... where we can lie in the sun.... [i]Ahhhh[/i]... lying there in the bed makes me also think about how today is one month since we met T... [i]*sigh*.. [/i]I know I wasn't gonna think about her... but.. I gotta admit.. she's been on my mind... So.. [i]anyways[/i]... we head home after that to do laundry and pack for our desto.... Sooo... all you bloggers... until the next time I get the oppo to type you all... take care... and have a good week!!
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| Home for the weekend! |
| 12.06.04 (9:22 am) [edit] |
[b]Saturday - Sunday, December 4th-5th, 2004....
Saturday...[/b]
First off I would like to start today saying.. "happy birthday jigga man"... It's his ?? b-day :oops: I know such a fan I am... I do know that December 4th is his b-day though... So I am sure today he is waking up beside his fine ass looking woman having breakfast in bed and having a rager of party tonight!! Man to be famous for one day... the shit you could do... So anyways... up I get.. in my not so glamourous bed...Well it's nicer than any other bed I have ever had ... but it's no.. celeb bed I am sure... [i]ha ha ha[/i]... So anyways... I woke up in a cold sweat and a missing Daddy... Turns out he has been up since 3 this morning :shock: poor guy... He is having problems sleeping again[i].. Boooo... and I thought he was cured!![/i] I on te other hand have been slipping into lazy mode again... blah... I slept in until 7-8ish... I hate when I get up late!! The gym is always such a zoo in the mornings if you don't get there first thing... But... there was a different factor today... It was FREEZING COLD outside and lightly dusting snow out... and for some reason.. people don't go out in the snow [i]or maybe it's the cold??... ha ha ha...[/i] Well at least they'll put off getting to the gym first thing... and opt for a few more cozy hours in bed if their day allows it... But no.. I want to get up and go! I actually really dislike it when I don't get to the gym on time b'cus it throws my day off completely... Welll... went to the gym.. there's a vibe you can tell they are having their christmas party tonight... All the employees either missing[i] (mostly the women... have to get their hair done... such an affair to blow money on... [/i]:roll: [i]) [/i] or buzzing around the gym... Sometimes I find myself envious of those that have affairs to attent to... But then other times I feel like... people put on such an act and show just for one night... They'll blow hundreds of dollars on dresses... shoes.. undies... cosmetics... getting their hair and make-up and nails done... and all for what? For all their co-workers that they normally can't stand during the regular week??... It really sometimes baffles me the amount of work some people put into it... I see this year .. Sumi [i](used to be fulltime front desk girl now only saturday desk girl) [/i]... has taken the day off ... again... to get ready... Yet last year I recall a pissed off Suni b'cus she spent all day getting ready and felt like shit all night! And she refused to do it again this year.... Well I haven't seen her in the past month... so I don't know how hyped she was... but I am sure she was stoked and she obviously booked the day off b'cus she wasn't here... she must really be getting ready!!
Well after my mental garbage at the gym ... [i]bah humbug![/i] I started to try and plan out what we can do today... but if the meowing of our kitties is any indicator of what we should do today... We should be staying in... and I think that's what we mostly did... Well actually after a failed attempt to go to the mall... [i]fuck christmas man!! [/i]and 1 failed attempt to park at the grocery store... we managed to get to the store... [i]b'cus we had to go..[/i]. and got home in time to spend most of the afternoon with the kitties... But we did have to head out... we did make plans to have dinner with my parent's they got a new kitty and my Mom is super excited for us to come and see him... We figure if we want to be up past 7 o'clock we should try to have naps... well that didn't happen... Which made for kinda an off night... I don't think dinner went as great as it could have... My brother is ill... owing us money and probably feels bad about it... so he was kinda weird... my cousin and her boyfriend were away for the evening... so we were unable to see them... And... well money and my parent's ... came up and that never really goes over well... or at least I don't think... Sooo... with us really being bagged... snippy... and well just plain tired of being up!! We headed home to bed... hopefully tomorrow I will be able to wake up and have a decently normal day.... today didn't seem to register ....
[b]Sunday...[/b]
Today slept in... kinda... Still managed to get up by 8 and make it to the gym at a good hour.... Today there is NO ONE on the streets... it's like everyone is on hangover day or something... Like they all had a big party last night and we weren't invited!! [i]ha ha ha[/i]... I really hate it when we fall asleep at 9 or sooner... [i]So pathedic[/i]... We managed to get our workouts in... :oops: Look's like Mom's roast beef has but some weight on me.... Boo!! But so good... I love my Mom's gravey... and I was looking forward to the meal... I guess I also could have nixed eating the pie too.. but nah!! Why not?? I have been feeling a little low.... and I know.. eating out of depression is bad... but... it tastes soooo goood!... So anyways... today we haven't really got any plans.. pretty much... laze around the house... The cats are still meowing like little banchees... You'd think we didn't see them for a year or something!! Man it was just 3 days!! 3 days cats!!... So... I hung out on the couch all day while Daddy tried to catch some zZzZz's... Which didn't happen b'cus he got bothered by phone calls!! Poor fella... He was not in a good mood... and since last night's family night... and his Dad calling us for another family night tonight... GRRRR... Daddy wasn't a happy camper... again... Soo... we ditched out on dinner with the other folks... and we went out and got some grub... Came home.. porked out... and went to bed.... What an enjoyable day.. hey??
Well.. I hope you all managed to at least see or do something this weekend... other than your television set or upset cat... [i]ha ha ha[/i].... Until tomorrow... take care y'all...
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| Silent Sufferer... |
| 12.04.04 (9:06 am) [edit] |
[b]Friday, December 3rd, 2004...[/b]
Well... I woke up this morning in a bit of a confussion... What to believe?? I want to tell my brain to forget all about these past few weeks and move on... but my heart aches for T... I want to lie to my brain and tell it nothing has changed... but it knows... it saw that she has eliminated me from her chat life... It knows how she isn't answering my calls... and it definately knows it has no hope for any sort of future with T.... I decided fuck it... I'm not going to let this get to me today... So up I get and away to the gym we go.... The gym was average... manged to do more calories today than previous days... Musta been the burger I had last night :wink: I have managed to stay around the 122 mark on the scale... I am mucho impressed with that... :D especially since my drinking has gone way up!! Alcohol = empty calories.... boooo.... So.. I'm gonna try to get off the hootch... I've managed to slow down on the Diet 7-up... I am down to maybe 5 cans a week.... YA that's right I said per WEEK... 5 cans... not cases... cans! I think I've managed to kick that habit... I think I can manage to kick a few more too.... candy is almost a distant memory for me too.... I'm gonna try really hard these next few weeks to get into lean mean shape... I plan on making some of my plans reality next year... hopefully 2005 will be the year for me!!
Well... I decided to be really silly... I called T... I have her work number... I called... Voicemail... bah!! Shoulda figured.... I saw that coming... but I thought maybe I was wrong in my head... I thought maybe she would answer and tell me she had to cancel her msn account or some shit like that... but... no... she is avoiding me... I write a final... [i]"ok I get the point... sorry.. take care of yourself and I'll always be here if you need me.. I'll fuck off now"[/i] e-mail... I hurts to feel so rejected... I really thought if anything we'd be friends... I am feeling at a loss for friends... I have NONE... ya ya.. there's you guys in C-town [i]and Daddy[/i]... but serious... how often do we see each them?? I mean... there's no plans ever... we never [i]really[/i] plan on doing things together when we are in the same towns and... well.. I just don't find that we ever get visited as much as we visit them.... So I just hoped I had found someone that wanted a friend to visit... a friend to chat with daily... and friend to hang with weekly... whatever... it's all gone now... and fuck it!! I don't want to cry!! I don't want to lose it again... I don't want to go down that spiral of depression and not caring... putting on weight and shutting out my world... FUCK! :cry: Why??? I hate this.... but then again if I pulled my head out of my ass for once I would realize I am doing exactly what I don't want my single friends to do when they are single... I'm letting myself feel like shit... I making myself pine and I am doing everything I tell them not to... I am hanging on to something that isn't going to be real... ever!! So.. if I took this moment to take my own advice .. I'd realize... she's just not that into me! [i]ha ha ha[/i]... But it's true... she's gone and I should except that.... and I'm NOT going to let myself get 'K'ized again... I'm not going to sleep in until 10 everyday and eat shit all day... I'm not going to pine away everyday and think of T every time I see a car like hers... or hear her name.... I'm not going to do that to myself again... I can't... my life is too great to get all caught up in emotion... if there is one thing T has shown me... it's good times... they come and they go... But if you are happy with you... you can roll with the punches... I wasn't happy with myself when I met 'K' online... I was trying to make someone like someone I didn't know.... When K turned out to not be who she was... I got lost... I was fucked ... mentally... emotionally.... I couldn't handle it... I'm NOT great at rejection.. BUT.. that was [i][b]then[/b][/i].. this is [i][b]now[/b][/i]... I have enternal sunshined my brain.... I have sealed my good memories of T and I together... and the rest... well.. they're gone.. they left when T did...
I'm such a lousy liar... Daddy can read it all over my face... I've got the 'eyes'... the.. [i]'she's gone and my joy has left'[/i] eyes.... He asks if I wanna talk.... [i]nah[/i]... I'd rather not cry on his shoulder and suffer inside... but I break... I cry... and cry... and cry some more... and I thought I shed all the tears when I wrote my final e-mail... but I guess not... I have come to realize that [i]"hi this is T (blank) with (company) and you have reached my voicemail please leave a detailed message and I'll get back to you"... [/i]would be the last time I would hear her voice.... Hung over in a hotel room... wasn't how I thought I would see her last.... I'm glad I got to hold her.... and she held me.. I felt that... it was real... I'm glad I got that moment... but I've got to let go... I've got to let this out.... So I cry... until I can't cry anymore...... [i]Ahhhhh... [/i]I think I've finally got it out!! K... so on with my day... today when we got off from work we decided to bunker in at home... We got bored after uhhhh... maybe an hour of that!! [i]ha ha ha[/i]... So Daddy wanted to antiquing... he really wants to get his friend a gift... I see the joy in his eyes... he looks so happy that he has someone in his life to care about.. I swear the guy lives for people to care for!! He is such a caring guy... It made me miss T even more... I really wanted to have a special friend to care about... she really did light up my life for the brief moment she was in my life... I so badly hurt!! FUCK!! [i]Shhh... ok.. silent... [/i]So we search... up and down the isles of antique world... All the old reminants of past childhoods... weird... all the My Little Ponies and Cabbage Patch Kids... [i]ha ha ha[/i]... Wow... All the weird shit you see there... but no accoridians or harmonicas .. nothing really.. well maybe the nice armour... but.. that's it... So we then ventured home... we've had a night... we watched pay preview and ate chinese[i] (for me)[/i] and pizza [i](for Daddy).... [/i]We were supposed to do something with Oli tonight... but she is all messed up with her schedule.. she works nights... so during the day... she sleeps all day... and well.. by the time we got home... ate .. and were on our way to sleepy land... she texted me: [i]hey!! just got up.. whatchya doin?[/i]... Yikes... she just got up?? It's 9:00, and we're planning on going to bed soon... :shock: So I texted back.. [i]we're lazy fucks.. gonna watch a movie and go to bed.. sorry.. maybe t'morrow?.... [/i]I guess she's a busy girl.. tomorrow isn't good... and our phone chat ends with a [i]maybe sometime later[/i].... just like everyone... maybe later....
So.. [i]maybe later [/i]if I feel like it I will blog... until then... take care of yourselves....
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| The day I lost mine and Daddy got his back... |
| 12.03.04 (9:27 am) [edit] |
[b]Thursday, December 2nd, 2004...[/b]
Wanted to do an hour and a half of cardio this morning... you know... burn off all that KFC I ate last night :oops: ya I know KFC?? What was I thinking?? But it was sooo good... we enjoyed it ... royally... So today I am feeling a bit guilty about it... but oh well what's 3 pcs. of chicken and fries and gravy... [i]and.. and... ha ha ha ha...[/i] Well I guess it's all fatty shit but oh well.. a girl's got to eat during the day!! So this morning we manged to wake up early... and rolled around in bed for about an hour... This morning my contacts were better... way better... yesterday morning they were crusted shut!! And then I couldn't focus for the first 1-2 hours of my day!! It was crazay!! But today they are much better... I'm a happier girl today... So off to the gym... don't get our hour and a half... but still manage an hour and a chat with Penalope... before we had to head off to tan... Man note to self * Don't try to do situps for awhile... today's situps killed!! I only did half and I almost cried... man these ribs hurt....
Tanning was nice... and relaxing... I've been trying to have a clearer happier mind about me... I'm trying not to over analyze anything... Today is kinda a weird day for me... you see... Yesterday.. Daddy was told by Cork that his old friend 'K' came into the store on the weekend looking for him... and she asked Cork to ask Daddy to give her a call... now .. run down with Daddy's 'K'... this is an old old childhood/school friend... he used to have a huge crush on her for years and years and she was his "dream girl"... now skip ahead 10+ years and Daddy and her meet again.. this time.. he is much older and with someone (me)... and she is also much more older and with someone... So they hang out... rekindle their friendship... but when her and her boyfriend split.. that's when Daddy kinda became her dote on man (or soo it seemed in my head) ... They were always hanging out while I was at work... and I never got to spend anytime with them when they were together... I felt like the hidden girlfriend... So I freaked out... gave some ultimatums and Daddy made his choice... Now I didn't tell him to NEVER hang out with her again... I just said I didn't want them hanging out together alone... or during my work hours... it wasn't fair... So anyways... it made things weird for them and they thought I hated her.. and well.. they lost touch.. and since Daddy has searched for a friend that he can call his own again... Well flash ahead another maybe 3 years... and we see K again in the mall... Daddy and her exchange info.. and well... nothing came of it.. but then she showed up here on Sunday... and now.. they're going out for drinks... and Daddy has his friend back.... I realize now... just like then I had nothing to be jealous or mad about... I think it was more the principal that Daddy was out having fun with someone else while I was at work... and the fact I let my mind play tricks on me... So anyways.... this afternoon Daddy makes a covert 'outting'... probably to give K a call.. and he feels akward with me around... I realize he is giddy and happy as a clam to have his friend back again... I'm happy for him... K really did make him happy....
So.. this evening we had to go to the warehouse and pick out some extra stock for christmas... Yes fun stuff... We went to the mall afterward to check out what's going on there.... I though maybe the new sea lions would be out... but no... No sea lions... Boo.. Soo we venture around the mall... make it past the pet store... awe... weinie doggies!! Too cute... they're so tiny and adorable... To much responsiblity but cute... After our mall visit we ventured home... it's thursday night!! Survivor and CSI night! We get home just in time to watch Will and Grace and Joey... before my two biggies... I have missed sitting at home... I've been so worked up trying to make a friendship work... and haven't been in our house for a weekend in 4 weeks... it has been nice to veg on our couch tonight... Daddy goes to bed early... he's bagged... He's had a perma grin on his face since him and K talked... Iwished I felt that way again... I think T will come around... I think I will speak to her again soon... but I miss her and the down time between is hard...So anyways... Survivor was good.. glad they got rid of Ami... Booo I didn't like that girl... good move for the team.... and.. well CSI was a re-run... So I ventured up to the computer.. I know.. bad!! But I was hoping maybe someone might be around to chat... well as I analyze my contact list I decided to do a check to see if 'someone' still has me on their list.... Well.. I paruse... and... SHE HAS REMOVED ME FROM HER LIST!! I am no longer on T's msn list... ???... WTF?? bu.. wha... I tho...???...???...??? I am at a loss for words?? I was soo hopeful that things were gonna work out... and now... gone! So I call her... first her place... I got her cousin's girlfriend... I forgot it was soccer night.. she wasn't home... So I phone her cell... and leave a stupid message... I hate myself right now...
Without trying to shed a tear I sucked it up... and headed to bed... *sigh*.... fuck! Just when I thought my days might get better... all of this!! At least Daddy has his friend back... one good thing came of today I guess...
until tomorrow .. take care y'all
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| Lonely Hearts Club |
| 12.02.04 (9:50 am) [edit] |
[b]Wednesday, December 1st, 2004...[/b]
Woke up late this morning :shock: Not like us.... We are normally up at the crack of dawn! Oh well... we needed to get some sleep.. We haven't been sleeping all that great lately... [i]grrr[/i] :evil: Normally I can sleep like a log... and lately... bah! Shitty sleep... Soo.. when you get a good night of it... you tend to feel awesome about it! :D We still managed to make it to the gym... After last night's pizza gorge I had to get on that machine.. I wanted to do more... but these ribs are still bothering me!! Ya... they are still a pain in the side... [i]ha ha ha[/i]... So I try to lay it low on the machine a bit .. you know.. maybe heal up a bit... But no way when I ate a whole pizza the night before :oops: Ya... [i]he he he[/i]... well in my defence it was only feta cheese, NO mozza, tomato sauce, and fresh tomatoes... and it was a medium and Daddy ate a piece... So I shouldn't feel that bad.. I can remember a night or two [i](or dozens.. ha ha ha) [/i]we choked down X-large pizzas and 2-Litres... [i]each[/i]!! Bah!! Daddy and I can be gluttons sometimes... but not this month.. [i]ha ha ha[/i]... So.. after last night's chow down I woulda figured extra weight.. [i]heh[/i]? Well.. Nope.. well actually .1 of a pound... and what's that?? Anyways... I was thrilled to see that I didn't go up dramtically... I find whenever I have my huge chow downs the next day I show up and the scale says I gained 6+ pounds!! Yikes! It's probably all just water... or sitting all inside me still [i](ewww)[/i].... I normally tend to level out the next day... but sometimes I don't ... That's when I gotta bring out the big guns!! [i]ha ha ha[/i]... my good old UK Cosmo and 2 hour cardio bouts... I think I'll load up my mp3 player with new tunes... I'm craving some new inspiration.. I'm a bit muted right now...
So we get home... and I have a make up crisis!! Yikes!! [i]ha ha ha[/i]... Well it's not a severe one but it does make my belly do flip flops and makes me think about someone I hoped I could get in the back section of the brain for a bit... But no.. I have this conflict... of mind and heart... You see... I am a make-up godess... I love to do my make-up daily and I love to corodinate my eyes to what I am wearing.. [i]ha ha ha.. [/i]Ya I know soo lame.. Anyways... I opted for my nude top.. nice.. busty looking.. very casual yet has a flair of sexy... Iron er up.. and go to do my eyes... as I dish through my eyeliners.. I discover Buttery is missing!! Damn!! That's the one I need!! Where is it?? I dish through my tackle box... and nothing.. Buttery is m.i.a... So I think.. Hmmm... Tawnie?? Well.. he'd have to climb up here and dish through them all just to find buttery.. unless buttery was an innocent victim!! Oooh no.. poor Buttery.. if Tawn Tawn took him and hid him somewhere he is gonna be m.i.a. for awhile... and it looks like I'll have to get a new one if I wanna really do the 'Nude' eyes... So anyways.. I started to think more... and I realized... on Saturday.. when I was at T's doing her make-up I had my kit... When we were doing her make-up I lost my balance and landed on her bed and spilled all my brushes and pencils all over her bed... So maybe it is in her bed?? I dunno.. and now I wonder if I should just do a typical friend thing and e-mail her and ask if she's stumbled across it in her nightly journeys?? or if doing that would come across as some sort of ploy to lure an e-mail from her? [i](Since she hasn't written me or called in days) [/i]... This is actually a make-up crisis!!... [i]ha ha ha[/i]... Nothing to do with getting her to talk to me... [i]ha ha ha[/i].. So I type her.. nothing out of the normal.. just hi.. my eyeliner?.. bye... I don't want her to think I am trying to be sleazy or whiney... [i]ha ha ha[/i]... I don't know how you could do that with a 'have you seen my eyeliner' e-mail... [i]ha ha ha[/i]... But I am paranoid... I read too much into things... even what I type.. Like I wonder.. by saying.. [i]"if it is there... could you put it aside? and I will get it the next time we're in town"[/i].... I think... was I giving her the impression that I want to come down to get my eyeliner?? [i]ha ha ha [/i]B'cus honestly... my nude shirt can wait for it's eyeliner match... It doesn't require another trip to C-town anytime soon....
Well... I had to go and see Dr. A again... So I drop Daddy off at the store and head out to the Dr... As I drive.. alone.. and listen to my music full blast.. Feeling the sun on my face... it felt awesome!! I belt along with the songs... I got Gwen's new CD.. love it... Sing to her all day... I have been trying to have a more positive outlook on life theses days.. I find when Christmas comes and well.. winter sucks... and I hear it's supposed to be -20 this weekend... WTF? Ya.. so It's crazy... I get depressed... and badly... So this year I don't want to let it get to me this season... I get to the mall and there is a petting zoo set up.. there is a cute wallaby bouncing around... I wonder what the little guy thinks of as he sits there staring at the kids yelling and poking at him? I feel bad for the little guy... I get to the Dr.'s... and the receptionist sees Purciville... [i]"Is that real?" [/i]She screams... [i]"ya" [/i]... I roll my eyes.. [i]"how much was it?"... [/i]BAHHH!!!! I hate that question... have some cooth people!!! [i]"I dunno.. my hubby got it for me".[/i].. I was [i]really[/i] much nicer than I wanted to be ... She then yammers on about a LV purse she loved... but she didn't know the shape or size or the make and she was just rambling on and on... So I turned to Purciville.. rip the magazine out of his gut and read away... I think she got the hint... I don't talk shit...
Turns out the eyes are normal... the discomfort and driness I experienced last night was common... So I have to come back next week and see him... So off to see DoDo to book me an appointment... Our day was another busy one at the store... Daddy surprised me with getting Corkster to come into work early... We left early and descided to go shopping.. Even though we both hate it!! But for some reason... today... we've been in the mood to get out... I wanna just entertain ourselves all day so we can make it to the next... [i]ha ha ha...[/i] Then do it all over again... It's just sometimes I think maybe tomorrow is the day everything works out... maybe... right??
Tonight we decided to also hang out and have dinner with our buddy D... He going through some hard moments right now too... You see little D fell for a girl that lives further away... and she left this morning... He has been sitting on his couch all day watching a 5 sec. video clip he has of him and her in a warm embrace and kiss... He looks like I did [i]actually... [/i]like I still do... I can tell he is hurting and his eyes are full of doubt and he is questioning whether he is ever gonna see her again... I know it.. I can see it in his eyes... We think.. [i]hmmmm... [/i]maybe we'll go to N-town [i](where she is from)[/i] and visit D's little lady... While we're at it I can see HO and her new baby... and my sick grandpa ... he lives in N-town... and I guess I could visit my other relatives there too :roll: Even though sometimes I wonder if I should even bother since I feel no one would go out of their way to visit us... unless of course we lived on a warm beach somewhere... [i]ha ha ha[/i]... But wouldn't we all visit that relative if we could?? [i]ha ha ha[/i].. So ya.. D is hurting.. and has been staring at his camera... Seeing that five sec. clip of D's T... I wished we had done something like that... I wished we would have been more thoughtful... I would love to have just a five sec. clip of her... her smile.. her laugh... I miss her... Fuck... here I go again....
So after our lonely hearts club meeting ... Daddy and I headed home... What a day!!... I tried not to type her... I tried to not think of her too... and honestly I didn't want to shed a tear over her either.. but I guess I fucked that all up today!! [i]ha ha ha[/i].. there is always tomorrow... And until then.. I'm gonna leave you all... hope you all have had a good day... and take care of yourselves....
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| Fight Night! |
| 12.01.04 (11:37 am) [edit] |
[b]Tuesday, November 30th, 2004...[/b]
Woke up this morning... feeling groggy and semi-new... I was up late last night typing away to T.. [i]again[/i]... and I feel like I have really gotten things off my chest.... I was able to get out that my e-mails aren't ment to be guilt tagrets and when I am pining away in my mails about not being able to understand her thoughts... It's not ment as a personal attack.. I'm just trying to get into her thoughts... that's all... So.. with those words.. I feel like I have said all I can say... and I am going to go on with my days knowing that she is in my heart... but only as a friend... Upon my awaking this morning I was a new woman!! I was going to take on my day.. and be normal... NO MORE CRYING! ... The gym was calling our names... We haven't been there in a few days... and I must say.. I've missed it... It seems like the gym is the only thing that keeps me getting up everyday [i]lately[/i]... We get up at 5-6ish in the mornings and mosey on down to the gym at an early hour... Do our cardio... yap with 'Penalope' [i](the new gym girl).... [/i]and head tanning... Our mornings are quite scheduled that way... No different today... up at it at 6 and on the eliptical by 7!... I've got an opto appointment this morning... So I've got to be ready earlier than normal... Feeling awesome!! The scale today.. 122!! WOO HOO!! I'm almost there!
So.. home.. shower.. get ready and rush to the Dr. I have been trying out some new contacts and they are great!! But I got bitten by the 24/7 contact bug... You see.. Our buddy Stevey has them... and when I saw him on Saturday we yapped about contacts and we got going on his new 24/7 ones... Turns out he loves them!! And claims that they are the cats ass!! So I've got to see this... [i]ha ha ha[/i]... So I mention to my Dr. I wanna try them out... and I end up having to make my Dr. do a whole bunch more work... He now has to have me come in tomorrow... next week.. 2 weeks from then... and then another 2 weeks from then!! But after about a month of observation I shouldn't have to come in anymore ... and I won't have to wear glasses anymore!! Yeah!! Since I am not a canidate for eye surgery, my prescription changes by .25 + every year! So for anyone that knows anything about eye sight.. that's not good.. and until I can hold a solid prescription for more than 3 yrs. I am not a canidate... BUT no worries... I can wear 24/7 contacts and feel like I can see correct without glasses... and without the feeling of having contacts in... I guess these lenses breathe a huge % more than normal contacts... and you never have to take them out!! Yes that means I can sleep in them too... So no more glasses suck to my back when I wake up mid sleep... [i]ha ha ha[/i].... So.. in I pop my new eyes... and away I go... See you tomorrow Dr. A.....
Feeling like a new person... my eyes feel awesome!! I thought those other contacts were nice and light.. man these ones I can't even feel in my eyes! Off to work for the afternoon... busy day today.. Huh.. peeps must be getting out of their houses and buying... after all it is only 25 days until Christmas!! Yeowsa! I hate Christmas... and honestly.. I was [i](still kinda am) [/i]looking forward to it this year... We're getting the fuck outta dodge! We may not be on a sunny beach somewhere... but we are planning on taking off out of town for a few days... just to be on our own for once... GAWD!! With all the guilt trips and bullshit you get put through by your families or your in-laws... BAH!! I don't want to feel like I am leaving someone out or feel obligated to drag my ass around town here there and everywhere b'cus Auntie Kay [i]that we never see [/i]might be offended if we don't go for a drink... BAH!! Fuck that... not this year... maybe I'll get sloshed Christmas Eve and spend Christmas Day in bed.... [i]ha ha ha... [/i]That will show em... :? Or would that be me that is shown?? [i]ha ha ha[/i].....
Well.. our day was great!! Did good on the sales... hopefully this will keep up... We need a good month.. We were gonna go and see a movie tonight.. but we decided it would be better to go home and finish watching the ones we rented last night! Soo... off to home we go... only to get into a huge fight over... well.. just plain bullshit... and it led to hours of yelling... crying.. and confussion... Just what I have been looking forward to... [i]ha ha ha... ya right!! [/i]I wasn't in the mood to have the convo we were having tonight and I ended up getting quite upset... You see... Daddy asked me a question.. [i]that has been asked many many a time in the past and pretty much the same reaction occured those times too... [/i]He asks me ... in a nice nutural tone... and I snap! Honestly.. I have been silently suffering inside from insecurities and self doubt... and for Daddy to ask me the question he did... I felt like he also was attacking my inner being and I lost it! Yelled.. screamed... made the kitties run... and I cried and I cried... until I couldn't fucking cry anymore... man.. I'm a wreck inside!! I finally got my shit about me... and desided the topic at hand wasn't an attack and we cooled our jets and the kitties made their way back into the room... It's always cute how they know when you are upset... they wanna snuggle with you.... Both my cats couldn't get close enough to me!! They must know I am a wreck inside...
Finished our movies... and ventured up to bed... my eyes are starting to dry out... and since I can't take these contacts out... I'm gonna try to sleep in them and see what happens.... So... until tomorrow... Hope your nights have gone better than ours.... and take care y'all...
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