Howdy Y'all....

I figured I'd check in with my blog and share with you all the newest revolations in my life.... ha ha ha... Like my life is soooo damn exciting to you all out there or something... ha ha ha... Well.. I got 'the call'... I got the job!! I start Monday morning (insert nervous, shifty eyed, nail biting face here... ha ha ha)... I am soo excited.. yet soo nervous at the same time... I don't really know anything other than.. I start on Monday morning... I feel like I was sooo non-shalaunt and cool about things.. like.. "ok.. when do you need me to start?"... didn't really get any other info... ha ha ha... I even offered to come in on Friday (b'cus he said Friday or Monday.. my choice...) and he said.. oh no .. Monday would be fine... b'cus I mentioned I was still in E-town finishing up some loose ends... Speaking of loose ends... I should remember to do most of the really important things... I always find I need more of something that I can't get where I am at!! Like.. perscriptions!!.. I always forget to tranfers those... then when I need them.. bah!! I have to transfer all that crap.. and then they're annoyed b'cus I should have done it when I moved!! ha ha ha... Oh well... I'll do that today... and well.. I have nothing really else to worry about... We moved all my stuff in last weekend.. so all that's left now is working and well... having a good time!!

So this weekend I'm gonna go out shoppin'... gotta get office gear.. Yipee! I get to get me self a bunch of new office clothes... soo.. I dunno.. I was thinking maybe I'd go do some shopping tonight and some on maybe Saturday... I don't want to over load my shopping senses... I hate when I get overloaded with shopping and hate the adventure all together!! BAH!! ha ha ha... plus I am sure Thursday afternoons are far less busy than Saturday afternoons...  I am feeling really good right now.... things are going great! Last week I had alot of moments of doubt... the good ol' 'should I be doing this??'... 'do I want the change?'... ha ha ha... But after last weekend in our apartment.. and venturing around C-town.. on our own.. no friends.. (no T or another interest)... just us.. it was great! Sunday was beautiful.. but I was hung over... bah!!! ha ha ha... Damn me!! and Monday was even more georgeous... but windy!!... So we did manage to venture out on Monday... we walked our area... I didn't know I had a big red brick couch out front my place??... and we checked out the local cuisine... ha ha ha :wink: you know.. a girl has gotta know where to eat... Even though I find myself turning into a complete (Safeway) chicken whore!! ha ha ha... Almost everyday I go to Safeway to get chicken and salad.. it has become my new staple.. that and my Starbuck's... ha ha ha... So Daddy and I ventured out and checked out where my closest Starbucks and Safeways' are.... ha ha ha...  Ya.. things are going good... gonna be even better once I get settled into my work... and we buy our own place... (apartment living can be 'interesting'... I'll have to blog about it sometime... ha ha ha...) but.. hey.. that will come with time.. like everything else...

Well.. I just wanted to share my week... I'll be back again soon to share more of my 'new' life... ha ha ha... I'm still in transition... Sooo.. until next blog... take care y'all!

peace...

Hey Y'all...

I dunno why I am soo mentally fucked up!! What?? OK OK I should re-start this blog... I have been on a really really messed up mental trip these past few days... weeks... blah blah blah... maybe my whole life!! Ha ha ha ha... anyways... I have finally hit my limit of mental-ness ... last night I got so worked up and retarded about Daddy and his pending outting with an old acquaintence this weekend... That I finally realized I have been so retarded... Sooo stupid!! I got to the point of just completely verbally fucking up!! And honestly.. I am a lucky girl to have a such an understanding person in him.. I really feel like a complete heel!! A complete loser... and well.. I feel like I have really fucked up!! Soo... I am in a bit of a surreal place today... my first real day back at 'home'.... last night's arguments... and kitty cuddles.. and my fav. chinese.. made me really freak out even more too... I feared my life in C-town is gonna be really lonely.. I really got worked up last night... and in turn accused Daddy of being this and that.. and... well .. I was just being a complete tard!

So today... feeling like a loser... but realized... why do this again?? Why feel like this everyday?? He doesn't hate me.. and I don't care if I am hated by others or not.. all I really care about and am being mopey about is... how he feels.. and we discussed everything.. and he doesn't care about my words... and says I shouldn't... But still I felt bad.. he really is a great guy and deserves to be treated with more respect sometimes... Last night's actions made me realize that I am taking life way too serious... I am stressing out and freaking out for no reason.. other than my own mental insecurities.. and those should be kept to myself... soo.. I really have had an enlightening moment... I am gonna try to not 'care' soo much!! ha ha ha... I'm gonna try to not stress those out around me with my issues... ha ha ha ha.... Daddy doesn't think I have it in me... he says I am a high stress kinda girl... Soo.. who knows... maybe I am that kind of girl.. 'dramatic' .. and just about everything I don't like people thinking of me... I guess I have always tried to be stressed.. or live with stress... I guess I look for it.. I am a stress magnet.. by choice!! I choose to pick my problems and issues... and I seem to pick all the wrong ones!! Bah!!

Soo you see... maybe I do fuck with my own head, and I don't know why I am soo mentally fucked up!! B'cus I must be... in order to wanna be this mentally retarded about minor shit!! Anyways... I am hoping my mentalness is a combination of things... like my 'monthly visitor' you know all those lovely pent up emotions and hormones... and the anxiety of my big move.. not knowing if I am gonna get that job or not... not to mention the guilt I feel for the lost looks on my kitties faces.... and my poor G-pa in the hospital, there's that too... I really feel torn between here and there... geeze... I thought this was gonna be a snap.. I thought I could handle this.. and now I find myself going through moments of in between-ness... I feel like a double person... ha ha ha... This is miserable dramaqueen PJ today... hating life.. living here... have too much time on my hands to think about bullshit... to think about ways to mess with my head... b'cus Hey.. doesn't everyone like drama in their lives???

Ya I realized I was being a bit of an idiot... and honestly I should calm down.. and take time out to be happy and enjoy this time in my life... and I know my cats and my G-pa are going to be fine... and honestly.. 2 whole days and 3 nights apart from Daddy a week.. isn't that bad... and my cats will be living with me in a few months too... soo really I dunno why I am being so silly.... This is actually something we want... something we get really excited about when we are in C-town.. I really am gonna have a great time living there... I just find it is hard to sit in the 'old' and feel the comfort of 'home'.. and worry that it may never be like this again... and worry that my new 'home' may not feel as secure and comfy.. It's a weird feeling...

Well today I am packing my stuff :? weird... Going through my house.. "I'm gonna take this.. and this... and that.. " Seeing the kitties looking at me packing up larger chunks of home and not just a bag of clothes... I also feel weird about the way Daddy may feel.. it's like I am taking bits of his home too.... We talked about that last night... he says.. "no.. you're just taking a bit of our home here to our home there.." Awwwe... :( I feel so sad that he is so cute and I was such a bitch!! Sooo... ya.. I am getting my stuff together today... and tomorrow... I dunno if tomorrow is the big day.... or if we are gonna be moving down on Saturday... I think I might opt for leaving Saturday b'cus I have a tonne of laundry to do... and I wanna see my family before I go... I think my cousin is in town this weekend... So a family dinner might be good.. if they all have time... But we have to leave Saturday... we have plans that night .. Well... Daddy has dinner plans with an old friend... and me.. well I am gonna be at a 'Hooter's' BBQ... Meh!! Should be fun... At least I am hoping it will take my mind off things... but I am trying to do that myself.. so I might not need the distraction ... Maybe I'll just sit at my new home all night and bead... ha ha ha.. wanna come over Rox?? ha ha ha.. Ya.. So.. anyways.. I'm gonna be busy these next few days with packing and moving... and unpacking... Sooo.. I'll try to post you all when I am back up and organized... and a little less emotional and mental... not to mention 'dramatic' :wink: .. I love that one... I am sooo DRAMA right now.. Sooo.. until I calm down and get settled... you probably won't read from moi.. but don't worry.. I'll be back... sooner than later... I know how much you all (the ones that really know me.. Moms.. Pops... Rox.. and the others that happen to make it that were invited) ... like to read about how I am doing... and I'll keep you posted...

Peace out y'all.... take care..

Hey Y'all!!

Welllll... what an interesting last few weeks I have had... I must say these past few weeks have been probably some of the most emtionally charged up, and nerve wracking weeks I have ever had.... I have been on the hunt to find a job in C-town... I riddled my resumes all over town.. and I got a call!!... I went down to C-town.. and hung out for a few days before my interview with T... I had been trying to figure out what my life may be like when I am living there.... I tell ya.. nothing makes an organized girl go crazy like having to live out of a suitcase!!... ha ha ha.. So ya.. I was staying with T.. living out of my suitcase.. feeling like a total 4th wheel in her apartment.. She lives with her cousin and his girlfriend.. and well.. let's just say .. I could feel the weirdness of me being around daily... but I also thought I was feeling the bond between me and T growing stronger... My first interview went awesome... and I hoped for a call back... and what do ya know?? They called me back the next day for a second interview!! Soo... I had a few days more to hang in C-town... and the night of the callback... T and I went out.. I guess it was like a celebatory dinner.. my callback!! ha ha ha.. So ya.. dinner went good.. too good... I thought we covered alot of ground... I thought we opened up that night in a way that I thought was going to take us to a different level of 'friendship' .... The days after that evening... were odd... she was distant.. and well... I've been blown off again.. this time I got a reason... It's too much work, stress... and I'm too 'dramatic'... Well.. sorry if finding a new career, apartment, missing my kitties/hubby ... and wondering where her head is at... was being dramatic but there were somethings said and done on that night we went out to celebrate ... that I thought ment we were going somewhere... guess not... and you know what?? This time around I'm not wrecked... I'm not trashed inside.. and I couldn't care less if she never contacts me again.... Ya.. I'll miss her.. but.. I can always find another 'friend' ....

Soo... with all my T 'drama' I started to think... do I even want to be living in C-town?? Do I even want to be here fulltime.... missing my kitties... my hubby... Not having anyone here for me to care about me?? All these things I thought T was going to be... I thought she was gonna be with me almost daily.. that's what she said... but now.. now things are different... Sooo... the morning of finding out I was 'too dramatic'... I went to go to pick up my suitcase from her place.... I didn't even get a final goodbye in person... just a ... "call my cousin and pick up your stuff today while I'm at work... I'm tooo busy for this.... I'm sorry" ... Sooo... I go .. get all my things... and leave behind what I don't want to see anymore... and I left for good... I did write one last e-mail... and .. that's it!! As I was driving away... I really started to think... why?? Why am I even doing this anymore?? You know my mind got soo clouded by trying to make T ours.. that I never stopped to think about what I was really doing... what was really going on around me... I was purposly leaving my cushie life of not working.. no responsibility... for what?? I thought a week ago I was doing this all for T... I thought T was my reasoning... and now with her gone... I started to think... without her.. do I want to be here?? I honestly thought about running back home... I was going to ditch on my interview... and I was gonna leave my apartment sit empty... and come back home.. and forget it all!! BUT... as I was driving away from T's... I started to look.. I guess you could say soul search... I thought.. "no.. I should go to that interview".... and just then.. the phone rang... it was the interview confirming my interview time!! :shock: Is this a sign maybe?? I took it as one.. and started to realize.. it wasn't T... It was the life I was gaining from moving here... I had way more to gain from losing T... and still moving here... I no longer have the mental stress and emotional stress of being wanted or not by her.... and I have my friends... I had a great dinner with Rox and her Dad... an awesome day at the zoo with Twy and her Sissy and all weekend my sirogate Big Brother Stevey and his wife have been nothing but hospitable and I realized we have been missing this!! We have been missing our friends... our social life... Daddy has been in C-town with me for the majority of this time... During the weeks he was in E-town working the store... but during the weekends he has been in C-town with me... This past weekend we found me an apartment.... and I started to really feel it all yesterday...

Yesterday... March 1st.... will be a day that has changed my life.. at least for the next 3 months... quite possibly the rest of our lives... I had my second interview... I think it went awesome... I hope it did.. I'll find out sometime this week... keep your fingies crossed for me y'all... I also got the keys to my new apartment... Stevey and G came by as our first visitors.... It seems my floor has some excitment.. my neighbours seem to be 'friendly'... ha ha ha... Stevey and Daddy seem to think they may be more than two guys sharing a place... if you know what I mean :wink: nudge nudge... It was too funny... When we got out of the elevator... there were two guys waiting for it.. I say as the doors are opening.. "I'm looking forward to this apartment life thing"... ha ha ha... ding.. the doors swing open.. "ya this apartment life ain't that bad.." one guy says... ha ha ha... I turn red.. :opps: of course... Sooo... we venture down the hall.. laughing at my snafu.. and I go to door 710.. and say.. "yep I think we're 710"... and the other guy at the elevator goes.. "no 710 is the coolest apartment on this floor!"... or something like that... ha ha ha... Daddy mutters under his breath... "not anymore.."... ha ha ha... It was funny... and .. I think I'm gonna like my new place.... I am feeling soo great about things ...

Soo... this week .. I am back in E-town.. getting my stuff.. and I think we're gonna be moving my stuff down on Saturday... sooo we'll see I should be moved in by Sunday! Wow... it's been a fast month... but this month has been one that has shown me alot... and I can only hope that this move will bring more happiness for Daddy and I... and today when we were driving home from C-town... we both agreed C-town is gonna make our lives much happier... C-town is were we wanna be.... So.. C-townians look out.. b'cus here we come!! ha ha ha....

Well... I'll try to keep you all posted on things as they are happening with my life... everyday seems like a new one.. a new challange... something either 'dramatic' or boring going on.... Like my G-pa... my Moms called me yesterday to tell me that he is in the hospital and isn't doing good :( I may have a sad sad time in my life... losing my only G-pa... I dunno how I feel about that... I'm still in a mass of emotion over my impending move ... possible career... and well.. ya.. I got used to being around T... and I am sure that will hit me one day too... or not... who knows.. But with the mass of shit going on in my life right now.. I really haven't stopped to think my G-pa might not be with us very much longer ... WOW... I have alot going on... or is that me just being 'dramatic'??

Well.. I am gone... gone to lead my dramatic life.. and hopefully steer it into a more non-dramatic one... ha ha ha... But yes.. I have a busy few days ahead of me... ahhh the joys of moving.... I'll keep you all posted...

Take care... peace out!